The Funeral Director’s Role: A Glimpse into the First Meeting

When I started this job, I really didn’t know anything about the funeral service industry. I had just been fired from my previous job, completely uncertain about what I was going to do next. I applied for positions everywhere, including a Funeral Director’s assistant role, along with a bunch of other jobs. To my surprise, I received callbacks from three employers, including the funeral home. I scheduled all my interviews for the same day so I could knock them all out in one outfit! The funeral home interview was my second of the day. The first interview wasn’t too bad, but it wasn’t what I was looking for. Honestly, I thought the funeral home interview didn’t go well, and the third interview seemed to go better, though I wasn’t sure because it was far from my house.

But then, the funeral home surprised me and called me back later that day for a second interview. The other two employers didn’t get back to me, which bummed me out because I felt the funeral home was a great opportunity, but I still wasn’t sure if it was what I wanted to do. I honestly didn’t know anything about this line of work.

I ended up getting offered the job, and I told myself, “I’ll do this until I can find something else.” I still needed to make money, so I figured I’d give it a shot. I took the job at the funeral home.

What surprised me the most was all the moving parts involved in planning a funeral service. So, I want to clarify something first: EVERY licensed embalmer is also a funeral director, but NOT every licensed funeral director is an embalmer. In this post, I’m focusing on the funeral director’s role, not the embalming process.

At the funeral home I work at, we have a licensed funeral director (FD) who meets with the family of the deceased to begin planning the arrangements.

The Meeting
During the first meeting, we gather all the information we need for the death certificate. We also ask the family what type of services they would like. There are a few different options, including a full funeral followed by burial or cremation with a memorial service. I’ll cover the different service types in another post. For now, let’s focus on what happens when a family chooses a full funeral followed by burial.

The way I remember the difference between a funeral and a memorial service is this: A funeral is when the body is present, while a memorial service is held after the body has been cremated or is not in attendance. I’ll go into more detail on the service types in a future post.

Back to the meeting: the family has decided on a full funeral followed by burial. This means we need to get permission to embalm the deceased so the body can be present at the service. The FD will have the family sign a form granting us permission to embalm.

Next, we determine the timing for the services. The family needs to decide whether they want the service at a church or if the funeral home’s chapel will suffice. This is also the time we confirm who will officiate the service. The family has complete control over this choice.

The viewing is almost always scheduled the day before the funeral service. Once the dates for the services are set, we move on to choosing the casket and the guest sign-in book, which will match the programs used for the service. I’ll dive deeper into caskets in another post.

Once the casket and book are chosen, we’ll ask if the family has any ideas for the funeral programs. They don’t have to make a decision right away, but we do recommend that they start thinking about it. We’ll also ask whether they would like us to write the obituary or if they prefer to write it themselves. If they’d like us to handle it, we gather details about survivors they want included, as well as any loved ones who preceded the deceased in death.

We’ll also ask if they want flowers for the casket. If yes, we inquire about flower preferences, including the type of flowers and any color scheme.

Then we provide them with a deadline to bring in or send us:

• Clothes for the deceased (I always recommend including undergarments as well).
• All pictures they’d like included in the slideshow honoring the deceased.
• Poems or scriptures for the programs.
• The photo they’d like for the obituary and programs (if it’s different from the slideshow photo).

Finally, we wrap up the meeting by signing the funeral contracts and agreeing on the service dates and deadlines.

And this is where the work begins.